Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
