He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
