My hand turned me down
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
