i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
