There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
