I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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