just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
