Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
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Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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