I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
