Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
