Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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