Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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