I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
