Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
