I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My bed smells like the plague
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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