Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize