i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
