Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my shit smells like andre
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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