My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize