Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
