so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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