We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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