this beer tastes like vomit already
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
