I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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