Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
