Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
