My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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