i think my tv is drunk
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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