is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
