Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
