I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
