Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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