Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
