i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
