she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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