I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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