I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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