It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
