Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
