She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
