Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
