every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
People in love make me want to vomit
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
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I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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