weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
