I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize