It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
God, you're like boner-b-gone
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
