did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
