My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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