I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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