See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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