i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize