K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
