just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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