I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
