Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
