happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
