I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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