I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
