Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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