I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
