he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
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My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
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I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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