so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
