I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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