I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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