your thong is hanging out like whoa
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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