yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
