so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
soo... how was my night?
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