so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
