I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
