I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
