Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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