I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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