Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
