i was born a porn star she said
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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