Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
