She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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